Language Mangling (Would These Be Cases of "Mangluage?")

We live in a world where, instead of reading a finely-crafted story, people see movies to experience literature. Cliff Notes are considered too long a read. E-mailing replaces letter-writing. Texting rules; and it comes with its own dialect. We have lost most all appreciation for grammar, oratory and the written word – and it shows.

I have a list of pet peeves as they relate to grammar and pronunciation. Despite the fact I own a library of dictionaries, Roget’s Thesaurus and several editions of the AP Stylebook, I’m still reasonably hip for a word geek. I can live with (and use) things like “LOL,” “BTW” and “ASAP.” I understand a few lines of “text-ese.” I catch myself using bad grammar more often than I want to admit, but hopefully not in my professional life.

But things happen everyday which make me cringe, and everyday the public is more accepting of it. The “dumbing down of America,” I’ve heard it labeled. As I remember back to my college journalism classes, where a misspelled proper name or incorrect fact resulted in an automatic failing grade, here are the things that drive me nuts:

Mangle #1: “Less” versus “Fewer”
Less refers to quantity or bulk; fewer refers to individual quantity. “I had less than $10 in my pocket” versus “I had fewer than 10 one-dollar bills.” This is abused ALL THE TIME. When I called out its incorrectness to a radio producer, the reply was, well that’s how my listeners talk, so it makes them more comfortable to hear it that way.

Mangle #2: “You and me” versus “You and I” versus “ANYONE and me or I”
I can’t even write these without my computer’s Spelling/Grammar Check kicking in. Say the sentence in your head without the other person in the equation: “Sally and me want to go to the store.” Did Me want to go to the store or did I want to? Go with what makes sense. Wait – that implies that one has sense.

Mangle #3: Know Your City
I can only speak for my hometown, but if you’re going to be a broadcaster somewhere, for goodness sake, learn to pronounce things properly. The names of streets; politician names; area cities and towns. In Houston, on every TV station, there’s at least one anchor who can’t get it right. “Hiram Clark Blvd.” is not “Here-am” and our Texas senator is Hutchison – not Hutch-in-son.

Mangle #4: “Electorial” College
It’s Elec-tor-al. There’s no “I” in it. Enough said.

Mangle #5: “Good” versus “Well”
This is my pet peeve because it totally confuses me. From the AP Stylebook: Good should not be used as an adverb. “Good” is an adjective that means “as it should be or above average.” As an adjective, “well” means “suitable, proper or healthy.” As an adverb, “well” means “in a satisfactory way or skillfully.” I feel good = I am in good health. But if I feel well, I don’t know if my sense of touch is working properly or my skin is soft and supple. Hmmm. When your head stops spinning, please proceed to #6.

Mangle #6: “My Bad”
On the heels of good, well or indifferent, I can’t stop this one. It’s too ingrained into everyday life. Technically, it’s not incorrect. It’s just me. I hate the fact apologizing for a slight error (and sometimes large errors) is replaced with this flippant “I could not care less” response. The lack of sincerity is just one more pebble in the rockslide that is good manners.

Oh well, I guess one can chalk it all up to laziness – not looking something up; not checking facts; a lack of doing one’s research. But hey – we’ve elected politicians who can’t spell “potato” and can’t pronounce “nuclear,” so I think I’m ranting for nothing! But if you have Mangluage Pet Peeves of your own, please feel free to comment!

It’s the holiday season, and we are increasingly reminded to share goodwill to all men (and women, of course). We are encouraged to remember those who aren’t lucky enough to have the blessings that most of us have. Each day on my commute to or from work, it’s VERY easy for me to remember these holiday sentiments and send comforting thoughts to these less-fortunate drivers:

-- The person who’s gold-packaged, silver-rimmed Escalade is stylish, but sadly didn’t come with a working blinker.
-- The middle-aged businessman whose heinous disfigurement of a Bluetooth ear and a GPS keypad attached to his right hand rend him powerless to understand the concept of “Exit Left.”
-- The dyslexic Mercedes driver who can’t seem to distinguish one lane from another.
-- The schizophrenic teen girl whose selves don’t know whether to listen to ColdPlay, Lil Wayne or Katy Perry – or text her friend to help her decide.
-- The learning-disabled driver of a BMW 7 Series who isn't aware that his performance auto will easily achieve the speed limit.
-- The mom in the fully-loaded Navigator, whose dangerous stress level is accelerated by apparent multi-tasking: opening/closing the sun roof while talking on her cell phone as she sips her Diet Coke® and changes her precious baby’s DVD from Elmo to Dora.

At this charitable time of year, let’s all try to embrace the spirit of the holidays and help these people. And while you’re at it, please say a prayer that this Escape Hybrid-driving, hair-pulling, patience-challenged, stifled-screaming blonde woman gets to work (or back home) in one piece!