Bubba Day At the Beach

Blue-collar comedian Bill Engvall is best-known for his schtick, “Here’s your sign” – telling a funny story about the stupidity of a person or persons in certain situations that warrant them being labeled with a “stupid” sign. This weekend, Galveston Island offered up its latest candidate with an event worthy of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour:

A beautiful Saturday afternoon. Blue breezy skies. Almost-sandy beaches (somewhere between the clumps of seaweed) with waves persistently flogging the shore. A family paradise.

Picture a brand-new Ford F-150 pick-up truck. Definitely a boy’s toy. Shiny red – almost as red as its un-sunscreened owners are at this point. Our vantage point for this little drama is the balcony of my friend’s rented beach house.

This truck has brought the family – or at least the male contingent – to the beach for a little fun in the sun. Dad, buddy and son, frolicking in the ocean. Attached to the back of the truck, in addition to the obligatory cooler now half-full of Miller Lite, is a trailer. In the shallow breaking waves is a Sea-Doo watercraft – with the son hovering to ride it onto the trailer, thus allowing our heroes to head home.

This all seems normal, right? WRONG.

Bubba backs the truck up to the shore’s waveline where the trailer awaits partially submerged. Like a ranch-hand breaking a new colt, Baby Bubba revs the Sea-Doo and positions it in place on the trailer. Cheering ensues and there’s lots of high-fiving and back-slapping. Bubba and Buddy Bubba celebrate Baby Bubba’s rite of passage with a cold beer from the cooler. Let’s call Mama right now….

But wait – cue the theme music from “Jaws.” The truck and trailer are not moving, but the tide is. Closer and higher. Oh yeah – and the tires are going deeper into the sandy shore. Boys, you’re about to go Captain Nemo on us. Apparently, our Bubba Trio notices this as well but they are somewhat flustered as to what they do next. What are their options?
1) There are other large vehicles around them, but (a) no one is offering help and (b) they aren’t asking.
2) Tow rope? What tow rope? What’s a tow rope?
3) Call someone? Not yet – the water’s not near close enough.
4) Crack open another couple of cold ones? Apparently this makes sense to them because they do.

As the corrosive salt water laps the undercarriage of the F-150, Bubba grabs the cell phone and finally makes a call. As the water finds its way into the bottoms of the truck cab doors, an enormous wrecker shows up, driven by an enormous man with an enormous “open your checkbook, suckah” smile on his face. They attach the hydraulic wench to the potential U-Boat and gradually pull it out to safety – with an array of beach goers and house-renters all applauding, thumb-upping and whistling. Our Bubba Trio acknowledges and apparently basks in the adulation, sad only because no one got it on tape for “America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

In the words of Bill Engvall, “Here’s your Sign…”